Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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