Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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