I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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