Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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