dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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