pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I intend to get homeless drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize