she looked like the before picture.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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