Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
