Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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