oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
