I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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