i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
