some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
