I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
