20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
