she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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