One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
