I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
