Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
