Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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