but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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