With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
