Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
