i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
