I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
