you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize