He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
