I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this boner is exhausting
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
