she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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