Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
