You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
