I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
