its not stalking. its research.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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