If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
