We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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