Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
