I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
