I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
