Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
