Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
