I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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