She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
