I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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