shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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