My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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