no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's get the cat blown out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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