how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
