Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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