Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
