it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
