Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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