Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize