So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
barbara walters just said penis...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
