Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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