Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
