Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
