forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
