you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
