there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
