wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
