My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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