I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
