my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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