im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
