I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize