before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
