Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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