He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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