the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
