Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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