Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
